Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again Torrent Download

Blue Collar Comedy Bout Rides Again is a 2004 stand-upwards comedy moving-picture show featuring comedians Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and Ron White. The film is a sequel to Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie and is followed by Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Route.

Neb Engvall [edit]

• I think the biggest difference betwixt men and women is this: Men are basic. Merely basic. At that place's not a whole lot of frills. That'south why, ladies, when yous ask a fella a question, the answer you get is, "Iunno (I don't know)." Basic. Women are details. Details, details, details. Aye. If you don't got the details, do not talk to a woman. I'll give you lot a great instance. My friend Joey and I were working out at the gym the other day. Joey says to me, "Hey, man. I'thou getting a divorce." and I said, "Oh, that sucks. Can yous spot me?" That was our whole conversation. I understood information technology, he understood it. So I get abode and I tell my wife, I go, "Hey, Joey's getting a divorce." "Oh my god! What happenned?" "Iunno." She said, "What you mean, [makes grunting noise]? Was he cheating on her? Was she cheating on him?" I said, "Again, babe, I don't know. I'm non holding anything back here. Y'all got a better chance of getting respond out of the canis familiaris!" And that'southward when information technology hit me: that's why dogs don't talk!
• Y'all see, ladies, men take three basic needs in life. That'southward it. Iii: eating, sleeping, sex. That's our whole twenty-four hours. And I can do all three of those in my truck. By myself. In traffic!
• [describing a whale-watching trip] We just paid $200 a piece to accept a whale hawk a loogie on united states.
• We are and so aptitude on figuring everything out about animals and they're just animals. Nosotros don't take to figure-- All right, great example. In California, in the desert, they found the bones of this prehistoric porpoise and they're saying it'southward interesting because his upper jaw sticks out a lot farther than his lower jaw, so I'm figuring he's gotta look like... [makes a strange face up] And they're trying to figure out if this upper jaw was used during sexual activity or for eating... and I'grand thinking, "You know what? You tin can rule out sex... 'cause of you expect like this... [makes face again]... sexual activity ain't happening, all correct?"
• I mean, what if it'southward just a goofy looking fish? You know, like a dork fish. Y'all know? He'd be out in that desert like, "[in stupid vox] Oh, this ain't the sea! Whoo, I improve find me some water! [guffaws]" Tin can yous imagine if you were fishing and you caught a dork fish? Because you know your friends are like, "Hey, man... what kind of fish is that?" And you'd be like, "Oh... nothing." Because you know that fish'll stick his caput out of that bucket... "I'1000 A DORK FISH! He defenseless me on a corn dog! I swear to God! I was swimming underneath the sea, and I said, 'What'due south a corn domestic dog doin' underneath the ocean?!' But, boy, y'all know me, I love them dang corn dogs, boy! Whoo!"

Ron White [edit]

• Like shooting fish in a barrel, Seabiscuit.
• The Chinese have a new infinite program, at present. It's not similar the American Infinite Program because in the Chinese Space Programme Tang... is one of the astronauts.
• Did you ever accept a crap so large your pants fit better? Did that ever happen to everyone in here? Anybody? I'thousand hopin' that happens to me subsequently this evening because these babies don't fit anymore. I'chiliad hopin' I'one thousand one big turd away from backin' into an former wardrobe.
• I saw this commercial last week for a bladder command awareness group. Let me explain something to you: if you have a bladder control trouble... you're probably enlightened of it. You know? Or yous're in some weird-ass deprival I've never even heard of. "Bob, I've got a moisture problem in this expanse and I don't know if information technology'south condensation due to high humidity or... or if I'one thousand pissin' myself, Bob, I..."
• I would like to talk for just a trivial bit about firework safety. Information technology's something I like to do every fourth dimension I speak in public. No, seriously, years ago, my friend Timmy Smithers and I went to a Quaternary of July commemoration and at ane point in the festivities, Timmy leaned back too far with a lit punk and ignited the main fireworks display for the evening, inevitably causing his decease and not a night goes by that I don't wake upwards, feeling horrible, because I know in my heart that at that place was more I could've done to save his life... but it was and so pretty. "Timmy, no-- Would ya look at that! That's the beginning of the Chinese Space Programme!" [looks shocked]
• Things are going great, though. For me, non for my granddaddy. He can't afford Viagra. I bought him Ginkgo biloba. Now he tin retrieve what it's like to take a hard-on.
• I'm from Texas. I'g a cowboy, a real cowboy. I was a bronc passenger for six years of my life. And information technology's affected me. Now, when I have sex, my arm goes like this. [makes jerking motions with his right arm] Seems to be some dispute between the married woman and I whether or not I'm staying on that total eight seconds. And so nosotros got the timer and the buzzer and set information technology up right there in the bedroom and I taught her the pregnant of the phrase, "well-nigh of the time."
• It's not like shooting fish in a barrel keeping an erection with a clown in a barrel in the corner of the room. [makes weird confront] Is information technology, sir?
• When we got married, we got married in Nassau. We were walking downward the street, we'd just got married. And it's a cute day, we'd been married for 45 minutes, so things are going keen, correct? And this guy comes up to me and my married woman and he goes, "Hey, man, I saw yous on the Blue Collar deal." And I said, "Well, cheers very much." Which is kind of a stupid thing for me to say because he didn't say he liked it. He merely said he saw it, right? But I don't always know what to say and so I said, "Thank you very much, hope you lot have a dainty twenty-four hour period." And I turned effectually and he goes, "I was talkin' to yous." I'm like, "What?" He goes, "Do you like Garth Brooks?" I'yard similar, :Yeah, I like Garth Brooks fine." I don't, but I said I did because, you know, I just wanted to go on with my solar day. He goes, "Garth Brooks information technology the simply entertainer in America worth paying money to see." I was like - At present I'm trying non to exist a jerk because my manager told me I couldn't be a jerk anymore no matter what, right? And then I said, "Well, I'm sure a lot of people experience that way because he's a corking entertainer and he's got throngs of fans. He's sold a billion records. Anyhow, have a nice day. He goes, "I camped out ane time for five days to become Garth Brooks tickets." I'm like, "Really? I wouldn't camp out for five days if I was... camping.
• I told that story three weeks ago in Nashville. Nothing. Like I just told a large Jesus joke in the center of Bethlehem. This guy actually accosted me later on the evidence. He goes, "You don't empathise Garth Brooks." I'm like, "Yeah, I do." He goes, "No, you don't. He'southward state and he's rock 'n' roll." I know. "He's similar Led Zepplin with a big-ass belt buckle. He's like Aerosmith with a can of Skoal! He's Donnie and he's Marie!" Take him camping with you.

Jeff Foxworthy [edit]

• My wife and I, we love watching, like Dateline, 20-xx, those shows. Simply you lot know how every week they will feature a illness. And I swear to you, every week, no matter what the illness is, my wife has information technology. There could be three people on the planet that accept this disease. My married woman is one of them. She just watches it going, "I've got it. I have every one of those symptoms." I'm like, "Yous do not take testicular cancer. You don't even have testiculars!"
• They got this prescription stuff that they annunciate on Tv and I swear, half the time, the side effects are fifty times worse than what the medicine cures. It'southward like, "Endeavour new Fluorofluor. For itchy, watery eyes, it's Fluorofluor. Side furnishings may include nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching, chaffing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire habiliment, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of float control, hammertoe, the shanks, depression sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home... feline leukemia, athlete's pes, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, feet, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, chock-full drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving and sexual dysfunction." I'thou watching information technology going, "Y'all know what, I'll but accept itchy, watery eyes..."
• Accept you seen the commercial for Cialis, the Viagra knockoff? In the commercial, they volition tell you lot, "If this pill does what it should and y'all have this condition for longer than 4 continuous hours, yous should go the hospital." Yous know what, I might go to the hospital, only I'm wearing that petty gown they requite you backwards... and walkin' the halls, baby!
• There are some weird medical things out there. They had a guy on Ripley'south Believe It or Not! about a year ago who, in a tragic accident, got his happy place chopped off. And his dr., in a fit of brilliance, decided they were going to cut the homo'due south finger off and use it to create a new happy identify. And I'm sitting there, watching, thinking, I want to see this guy put his contact lenses in. And this is not the guy yous want to enquire directions from. "Well, take a right out of the parking lot, then yous're gonna have to make a U-turn..." "That'southward okay, we'll notice it past ourselves. Thanks. Thanks." Can y'all imagine the pre-surgery consultation? The doctor going, "Well, I retrieve what we're going to attempt to do is to remove one of your fingers and use it to create a new happy place for you lot." "One of my fingers? Information technology own't goin' to be my pinky, is it, md? Considering, listen, I don't apply my left arm all that much. Y'all tin can simply take that right there at the shoulder..."
• My married woman's favorite show is the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. My wife loves that evidence. A lot of women like that i. Guys, you know what I'm talking nigh? If you oasis't seen information technology, information technology'southward a show where women will dump their boyfriends off for the weekend with five gay guys and then they accept him and buy new clothes and they get his hair cut and they clean up his apartment. And I told my wife, I said, "This only works one mode. Men would not exist allowed to dump their girlfriends off with v hookers and say, 'But slut her up. Simply a little flake, you lot know.'"
• A calendar week ago, my wife and a few of her friends were making jokes and giggling about this production called Astroglide. It's this - Information technology's apparently... It is this lubricant that they sell in stores right next to the condominiums and... only it's supposed to exist really good stuff. I mean, obviously, you're able to put it on a Cadillac and become it in a doghouse. Just every bit they're talking about, I swear to you, my offset thought was: "I bet I could put that on the poles the bird feeders are on and keep the squirrels off of them." The squirrels are driving me crazy! If y'all come past my house at 5:00 in the forenoon, you volition see me on the back porch in my underwear with dark-vision goggles, holding a BB gun, waiting on the squirrels.
• I embarrassed my kids and so bad in the last school year. I take two daughters and I live correct next door to my brother, who has three daughters, so almost every twenty-four hour period, I bulldoze them to schoolhouse. And last year, while I was driving them to schoolhouse, we ran out of gas in the carpool lane considering my wife does non know it's actually legal for women to buy gasoline, and so... Only we run out of gas and people are honking the horn and having to back upwardly and go around us and the kids are just mortified, so the side by side morn when I took them, I made sure the tank was merely as full equally it could perchance be, and I pull up to the front of the school and they have, like these assistant teachers that assist open up the door, and I'1000 not even trying to be funny, merely as we pull up to the front, I scroll down the passenger window and yell out, "I've got gas this morning!" And the kids were similar, "Oh, God, only become abode! Just go home!"

Larry the Cable Guy [edit]

• Did you lot know Britney Spears hurt her leg and had to cancel some dates? But they said with the proper rehabilitation, she should be back on her knees in no fourth dimension, so that'due south...
• I was drivin' downward the route the other mean solar day and I get pulled over, and the policeman said, "Yous been drinkin'?" I'yard like, "No. Why, is there fatty girl in my back seat?" Skillful lord. "By God, at that place's 2 of 'em! I guess I was drinkin'!
• Don't you detest it when y'all become then dadgum drunk, you look in your pocket the next day and there's some girl'south number with a proper name and you lot don't know nil well-nigh it? And then you lot call her upwardly and y'all hear this, "[hoarsely] Howdy?" "Yeah, is Debbie there?" "This is Debbie." "I ain't drinkin' no more. That's ridiculous right there. I own't drinkin'."
• I was drivin' downwards to see a buddy of mine down in Tulsa, Oklahoma, not long ago. That'due south right. You know what Tulsa spelled backward is? A slut. Practise yous know what a slut backward is? A hundred dollars!
• I told you lot, final time we got together, I ever idea Stayfree Mini pads ought to practice NASCAR sponsorship. I just thought the announcin' would exist purty cool. "Information technology's a beautiful summer'southward eve here at the track. The Thou-Y Jelly machine has just accelerated... and easily slipped into the number ii hole." Go her washed. "The Vagisil car has been itchin' and burnin' safe all flavour out in that location... and is number one in the Busch Standin'south."
• Whatever happened to good-lookin' flight attendants? Skilful lord, I had the Oak Ridge Boys with titties, on this one airplane I was on. They were ugly, I tell you. And I looked right at that one daughter and my wiener went in and out my barrel crack. I mean, that's how... That'due south a true story correct there! I ain't makin' that up. I seen her, my wiener come out, went like that, turned around, [makes whooshing dissonance] Shot right out my dadgum hind end there. And that'due south documented right there. You know y'all're ugly when you're makin' fellers poop their own wiener. You know what I mean? That's... that'south Glamour Shots or something correct there.
• The one thing my grandma does do that irritates me is she gets the walkin' farts, yous know. Every step she takes, something come out, you know. [takes a few steps while making fart sounds] But the-- It's horrible. Simply the worst function is, she gets the walkin' farts at the flea market. And that's bad considering when she's at the flea market, she wears them spandex drawers. So now information technology can't escape nowhere, yous know what I hateful? And she permit out a walkin' fart in them spandex drawers, looks like a mouse runnin' downward the inside of her pant leg right there, like that. Practiced Lord. Yep. And then information technology starts to course a big ball in the back of her britches considering it can't escape. Information technology looks like she stole a cabbage or somethin'. And the feller runnin' the cabbage stand up in there thought she was stealin' cabbages. And then he goes, "You're stealin' cabbages." He went to rip her britches downward... I'k haulin' ass about this time, you know, considering I know Hiroshima fittin' to hit up in that location at the flea market. When he ripped them down, skilful Lord. Sounded similar a large rig lettin' out the brake pressure. He ripped them down and [makes spraying sound]. "What the hell?" Critters runnin' around... critters runnin' around with no fur on 'em, and people melded to the walls, and Grandpa's pissed. He'south like: "[high pitched, distant] You lot desire to go out of the flea market before you kill everybody in hither? This is ridiculous!"

All [edit]

External Links [edit]

thompsontave1978.blogspot.com

Source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Blue_Collar_Comedy_Tour_Rides_Again

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